Innocents Abroad

Innocents Abroad

by Mark Twain

Preface

THIS book is a record of a pleasure trip. If it were a record of a
solemn scientific expedition, it would have about it that gravity, that
profundity, and that impressive incomprehensibility which are so proper to
works of that kind, and withal so attractive. Yet notwithstanding it is
only a record of a pic-nic, it has a purpose, which is to suggest to the
reader how he would be likely to see Europe and the East if he looked at
them with his own eyes instead of the eyes of those who traveled in those
countries before him. I make small pretense of showing anyone how he ought
to look at objects of interest beyond the sea -- other books do that, and
therefore, even if I were competent to do it, there is no need.

I offer no apologies for any departures from the usual style of
travel-writing that may be charged against me -- for I think I have seen
with impartial eyes, and I am sure I have written at least honestly,
whether wisely or not.

In this volume I have used portions of letters which I wrote for the
Daily Alta California, of San Francisco, the proprietors of that journal
having waived their rights and given me the necessary permission. I have
also inserted portions of several letters written for the New York Tribune
and the New York Herald.

THE AUTHOR.
SAN FRANCISCO.

CHAPTER I.

FOR months the great pleasure excursion to Europe and the Holy Land
was chatted about in the newspapers everywhere in America and discussed at
countless firesides. It was a novelty in the way of excursions -- its like
had not been thought of before, and it compelled that interest which
attractive novelties always command. It was to be a picnic on a gigantic
scale. The participants in it, instead of freighting an ungainly steam
ferry-boat with youth and beauty and pies and doughnuts, and paddling up
some obscure creek to disembark upon a grassy lawn and wear themselves out
with a long summer day's laborious frolicking under the impression that it
was fun, were to sail away in a great steamship with flags flying and
cannon pealing, and take a royal holiday beyond the broad ocean in many a
strange clime and in many a land renowned in history! They were to sail for
months over the breezy Atlantic and the sunny Mediterranean; they were to
scamper about the decks by day, filling the ship with shouts and laughter
-- or read novels and poetry in the shade of the smokestacks, or watch for
the jelly-fish and the nautilus over the side, and the shark, the whale,
and other strange monsters of the deep; and at night they were to dance in
the open air, on the upper deck, in the midst of a ballroom that stretched
from horizon to horizon, and was domed by the bending heavens and lighted
by no meaner lamps than the stars and the magnificent moon-dance, and
promenade, and smoke, and sing, and make love, and search the skies for
constellations that never associate with the "Big Dipper" they
were so tired of; and they were to see the ships of twenty navies -- the
customs and costumes of twenty curious peoples -- the great cities of half
a world -- they were to hob-nob with nobility and hold friendly converse
with kings and princes, grand moguls, and the anointed lords of mighty
empires! It was a brave conception; it was the offspring of a most
ingenious brain. It was well advertised, but it hardly needed it: the bold
originality, the extraordinary character, the seductive nature, and the
vastness of the enterprise provoked comment everywhere and advertised it in
every household in the land. Who could read the program of the excursion
without longing to make one of the party? I will insert it here. It is
almost as good as a map. As a text for this book, nothing could be better:

EXCURSION TO THE HOLY LAND, EGYPT, THE CRIMEA, GREECE, AND
INTERMEDIATE POINTS OF INTEREST.
BROOKLYN, February 1st, 1867

The undersigned will make an excursion as above during the
coming season, and begs to submit to you the following programme:

A first-class steamer, to be under his own command, and
capable of accommodating at least one hundred and fifty cabin
passengers, will be selected, in which will be taken a select
company, numbering not more than three-fourths of the ship's
capacity. There is good reason to believe that this company can
be easily made up in this immediate vicinity, of mutual friends
and acquaintances.

The steamer will be provided with every necessary comfort,
including library and musical instruments.

An experienced physician will be on board.

OR

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2. TOM SAWYER ABROAD
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4. THE ADVENTURES OF HUCKLEBERRY FINN
5. 1601
6. A Burlesque Autobiography
7. A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court
8. A Dog's Tale
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10. A TRAMP ABROAD
11. Alonzo Fitz and Other Stories
12. Carnival of Crime in CT
13. Christian Science
14. Complete Letters of Mark Twain
15. Curious Republic of Gondour
16. Double Barrelled Detective
17. Essays on Paul Bourget
18. Extract from Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven
19. Extracts From Adam's Diary
20. FENIMORE COOPER'S LITERARY OFFENCES
21. FOLLOWING THE EQUATOR
22. Goldsmiths Friend Abroad Again
23. How Tell a Story and Others
24. In Defence of Harriet Shelley
25. Innocents Abroad
26. IS SHAKESPEARE DEAD?
27. LIFE ON THE MISSISSIPPI
28. MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY
29. Mark Twain's Speeches
30. On the Decay of the Art of Lying
31. Personal Recollections of Joan of Arc v1
32. Personal Recollections of Joan of Arc v2
33. Rambling Idle Excursion
34. Roughing It
35. Sketches New and Old
36. THE $30,000 BEQUEST and Other Stories
37. The American Claimant
38. The Gilded Age
39. The Man that Corrupted Hadleyburg
40. The Mysterious Stranger
41. The Prince and the Pauper
42. The Stolen White Elephant
43. The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson
44. Those Extraordinary Twins
45. WHAT IS MAN? AND OTHER ESSAYS OF MARK TWAIN

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