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 | | 92 Ways To Piss People OffAnd Make Their Day Just as Crappy as Yours!by Brandon Wilkins |
lock picking set A satirical rebuttal to many of today's self-help and psychology books!
INTRODUCTION
Why this book?
In today's times of "think positive, meditate, control your own attitude, don't let others bring you down, etc.", many people will ask why did I choose to write this book. Now I admit, I am a firm believer in the think happy thoughts theory. As a matter of fact, I will be the first to:
- Not sweat the small stuff
- Carry my weather with me
- Make it happen
- Dance naked in my living room
- Eat some chicken soul soup
- And all of the other techniques that are supposed to make us feel good when we feel down
However, as anyone who has lived these philosophies knows, although it is great advice, sometimes it just doesn't work. Sometimes we are so down in the dumps that no matter how positive we try to be, things just seem to continually get worse. Well, if you're one of those folks, THIS BOOK IS FOR YOU!
Piss somebody off
One of the best ways for me to feel somewhat better when things are bad is to make them bad for someone else. While it won't totally pick me up, it at least brings a
wryly smile to my face to know that someone else will, if only for a short period of time, feel just as crappy as me.
To choose my selections for this book, I identified things other people have done that annoyed me, as well as things I've done that perturbed others. Although my intent was to give you ways to piss people off, I do try to keep it mild. In other words, I try to avoid anything that will cause grave harm or injury to another person. My main purpose was to seek out ways to annoy others rather than hurt them. While I do believe we are entitled to piss others off, I do not believe that we have the right to endanger their being, whether physical or mental.
As you read this book, take it lightly. Have a few laughs. I don't think it would be wise to run out and do all of them, but whenever you have a day where none of the meditations, medications, or anything else is working, use one or two of them to get you through the ruckus. So sit back, relax, and LET'S PISS SOME PEOPLE OFF! piss piss off ways to piss people off 101ways to annoy people TABLE OF CONTENTS
Introduction
1. Cut in front of someone in traffic
2. Quit your job without giving notice
3. Pretend you're about to move your car
4. Fax someone who doesn't have a fax machine
5. Talk in the movie theater
6. Get on the store's loudspeaker
7. Push all the buttons on the elevator
8. Try on clothes(that you know you're not going to buy)
9. Order and exit the fast food drive-through
10. Let your car alarm scream
11. Mess up someone's work (as soon as they finish)
12. Forward chain letter e-mails
13. Take a long time when you pay for or order anything
14. Eat someone else's lunch
15. Don't hold the elevator
16. Crash a party
17. Make someone else do the dirty work
18. Take up 2 parking spots
19. Give the wrong address/phone number
20. Take the credit for a job well done
21. Splash somebody
22. Act as if the whole world owes you something
23. Pretend to pick up a hitchhiker
24. Stand over someone's shoulder while they're reading
25. Prolong your conversation
26. Snitch
27. Rearrange someone's filing system
28. Block another car out of traffic
29. Linger
30. Switch movies in the video store
31. Let your dog "go" on someone's lawn
32. Don't cut your grass
33. Page with the wrong number
34. Reveal the ending
35. Hide someone's remote (or take the batteries out)
36. Give wrong directions
37. Let your kids go "nuts"
38. Don't listen
39. Call someone by the wrong name
40. Change the time on someone's clock
41. "Skimp" on the bill
42. Leave a written tip
43. Park in someone else's reserved spot
44. Finish other people's sentences
45. Let the air out of their tires
46. Drive through a stranger's flower bed
47. Laugh at the embarrassment of others
48. Call & complain for no reason
49. Volunteer someone without their knowing
50. Litter in someone's convertible
51. Keep picking up the phone and dialing
52. Turn off another person's computer
53. Blow your leaves onto someone's lawn
54. Send them back into queue
55. Talk with your mouth full
56. Restroom pranks
57. Rig the water fountain
58. Extra items in the shopping cart
59. Ride the elevator one floor
60. Walk off with their pen
61. Don't open the door
62. Sit real close
63. Move someone
64. Don't return phone calls
65. Reveal another person's secret
66. Blow off the appointment
67. Wake someone up
68. What's that smell?!
69. Return the car on "E"
70. Set your own schedule
71. Be the cause of the smell
72. Sing off key
73. Ask people what they are doing
74. Tell people everywhere you go
75. Inappropriate song requests
76. Paste over someone's flyers
77. Ask questions that were already answered
78. Free samples
79. Bad mouth the product/service
80. Get parking tickets (in someone else's car)
81. Crappy gifts
82. Low offer
83. Hit injured part
84. Empty Gift Card
85. Tell them you're on the way
86. Two left shoes
87. "You need gum"
88. Falsely accuse someone
89. Inflammatory e-mail
90. Drop by unannounced
91. Lock the door
92. Change the channel
Conclusion |
lock pick set
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